home. puking in laundry basket.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
