Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You pole danced in your parka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
