bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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