u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
