And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
