ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
