Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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