I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
