I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
