I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
