woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
