Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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