Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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