Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
