just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
soo... how was my night?
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