when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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