Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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