I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
