Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
