It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
