I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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