i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
