I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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