What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
