my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
