everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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