She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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