Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
