I need help removing her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
