I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
