I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
