woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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