i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
