I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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