Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
