like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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