The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
