just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We need to get me chipped asap
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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