So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
