Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
