well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
