She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
