There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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