booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
