Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
