dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
