First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
