I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
