In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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