we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
