sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
