I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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