Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
