apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
