Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
